00:00
00:00
View Profile HibiscusKazeneko
Got video games? Me love you long time!

Age 34, Female

Enjo kosai

of hard knocks

Akihabara

Joined on 10/28/06

Level:
15
Exp Points:
2,210 / 2,500
Exp Rank:
27,117
Vote Power:
5.67 votes
Rank:
Portal Security
Global Rank:
22,896
Blams:
209
Saves:
226
B/P Bonus:
8%
Whistle:
Normal
Trophies:
3
Medals:
284

Goodbye for all eternity.

Posted by HibiscusKazeneko - December 31st, 2007


This is an official suicide note. Before you start bawling and yelling "Please don't go! I need you!!", think about this:
I am the scum of the Earth. I was born low on the socioeconomic food chain and it shows. My parents and their ancestors before them hail from an area of the country that is famous for its abysmally low social standing. On top of this, they waited nine years to have me, which has led to more than just ridicule by family members (many of whom are now deceased, by the way). I live in an area that is reviled as being "the ghetto." I go to a school that is little more than a half-way house. I was held back in my academics for two years because of "inability to behave." I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at age 14 and have been treated like it was my fault ever since. I stupidly sullied my body and therefore my soul at age 15 by not saving my first kiss for my wedding day. One of my friends died because of my inability to pray for his recovery. I consented to having my wisdom teeth removed despite my own moral objections. (I believe it's tantamount to mandatory infant circumcision.) I have been repeatedly denied opportunities to boost myself to a position higher on the social food chain under the guise that it would "ruin the status quo," despite the fact that if I had gone through with the decisions, everyone would be much better off than they are now.
To help myself save face, I have been forced to get my ears pierced (despite moral objections AGAIN), attack people to their faces for not showing characteristics of acceptability (and watch as other people do the same to me and not get punished while I get everything from beatings to ISS), and the worst of all: turn my life around and become a PETA activist and vegan. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, since my whiny-ass hyperconservative parents refuse to sell their leather-seated cars, buy a whole new wardrobe free of animal products, discard all animal products in the refrigerator and stock up on humane foods (and they rationalize it using outdated health studies and obsolete Bible verses) or the most important of all: boycott or send bomb threats to companies known for animal cruelty. I have told them that if we all don't jump on the bandwagon, I'll have to kill them; but they just write me off as insane and suppress my attempts to do good.
But now is the long-overdue time to end this suffering and kill myself. Everybody around me whines and says it's just a "permanent solution to a temporary problem," but as I have stated earlier, that is not the case. I am forced to bear the scars left by my own and my parents' poor decisions, and no amount of consolation, be it material or spiritual, will erase them. I am at the absolute low. Not even God can save me. I am doomed to burn in Hell no matter what I do or say. It is true that Jesus died on the cross for our sins; but even He could not atone for what I have been through. It is my responsibility to end the suffering of myself and others around me. Nobody who knows me truly cares about me; those who say they do do not know what kind of scourge they are dealing with, and for their own sakes, never will.
Newgrounds, you never knew me and I am glad you didn't.
Goodbye. You will never see anything from me again.

EDIT: It didn't work out, and I'm still here, for now. Comments enabled.


Comments

i read a few words then thought skip to the end to c u were lying the whole time, see ya

I was honestly going to do it, but my asshat mother stopped me.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've had two close friends commit suicide. I'd rather not see or hear about anyone else following the same path.

You don't know what kind of suffering I have to endure, so don't jump to conclusions.

i was close to comitting suicide once till i found the thing i loved

WTH? UR KIIDING RIGHT?...well good thing u still alive...i know wat u feel, it happen to me already when my parents left wid my aunt...she abuse me like she grab my hair and throw me....but u will go through it turst me..evn i still remembering it, i am still alive...so don't waste ur life and use ur talent :D

You try going to a school where everyone is a high-born socialite and the administration treats you like a death row inmate.

It's nice to know you're still alive
decided that 2008 would be a better year?
there are things to do, sights to see.
maybe try going to Australia
I suggest southern Queensland
the path may be long and winding, but the end of the trip is worth it.
remember: always look on the bright side of life

Oh Boy Newgrounds!

Try again.

Its a bad idea, hopefully your life gets better soon.

Me, I have a little below average life, by that, I mean my family is getting a little poor(dunno, maybe 50-35k), but I don't think I should commit suicide. Really, doing that is a cheap way of getting out of your problems, and I don't approve of suicide anyways. Besides, I don't know if NG will care if you became emo and wanted to commit suicide.

I don't know what motivated me to write this comment, since i never write comments for "personal entries". I guess it's because i like to help others.

Some times we're surrounded by dark clouds and the worst thing we can do is to try to make a decision. What we have to do is wait for this cloud to dissipate or try to get rid of it before making any decisions. I have a friend that sound just like you. She almost tried to kill herself but I did my best to make her change her mind.
People don't take you seriously? Don't respect your ideals? And you are the one who has to feel bad because of it? You don't have to blame yourself, what you really have to do is try to find other friends because it looks like everyone around you are a bunch of superficial fools.

You can't rely so much on your fathers opinions if they don't give a damn about what you think. Today we have the whole internet for us. Thanks to this we can talk to people from other countries, just like i'm doing right now.. I'm from Brazil. I've "suffered" from drepession since i was 10.

If you ever think about doing it again try to talk to someone. I'm here if you need. Ok, you don't even know my name or who the hell i am. You don't have to believe me, but i can tell you one thing, i've never written something that long in english except for some english classes (which i stopped a long time ago, so please sorry for any mistakes) .

Well, that's all.
Feel free to send me a PM. Just because i'm someone from the internet (Brazil more especifically) doesn't mean i can't understand you.

C is for cookies,
that's good enough for me
Oh C is for cookie,
that's good enough for me
oh C is for cookie,
that's good enough for me
Oh cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C!

A round cookie with one bite out of it looks like a C;
a round doughnut with one bite out of it also looks like a C,
but it is not as good as a cookie.
Oh, and the moon sometimes looks like a C, but you can't eat that.
So...

If you're so serious about this shit, then why keep yourself from doing it because your mom doesn't allow you or something?

This is either a bad joke, or yer just a really REALLY sorry person.

Or maybe you're just a dick. See the post below.

Some reasons why that entry was pointless:
A. You wrote it
B. You didnt go through with it
C. If your MiSeRaBLe and DeMeNtEd then dont do something as painless as suicide
D. Humanity is filled with morons so grow up, admit the place u live in sux and manipulate the morons u live with.

I'd delete it if I had the option, but no...

I got the same problem. Trust me you're not alone, trust me, school is the least of your worries. +, ignore the haters.

No can do. They live in my house and breathe down my neck every minute of my life.

1. Personally I hope you are not serious about this.

2. You are, correctly if I am wrong, 18 years of age and therefore can leave your parent's house without problems (I am writing from the perspective of American thought and ten more years experience). They can't keep you there. Also don't kill them. Avoid the problems you can.

3. If school is a problem then drop out (you are 18 after all and can't be forced to remain in public school) and work (however long it ends up being) on getting a GED.

4. Many of the things you have mentioned here, if not a joke on your part, is actually quite idiotic to kill yourself over. Bad parents? Leave home. Trouble at school due to the administration? Get a GED. PETA? Personally I'm glad you want to do no harm to animals, but there are plenty of problems with that organization. Boycott personally as it is a moral stand, but bomb threats? No, never do that. God not being able to save you? You are kidding right? You know what you need to do to gain His forgiveness and your salvation. Personally when I get to Hell, I'm going to attempt to take over.

5. We all have problems. Life isn't fair and no matter what you think or anyone else thinks, it is up to you to find it's purpose for you. Poor decisions both by you and by others will never leave. Take from them the experience earned and learn to cope better.

7. In the end, I can't stop you from ending your life (I've read your edit) and don't even know where you are to even try to stop you. If you are serious, then nothing anyone can do will stop you. So quite frankly, and also quite meanly, stop the drama queen act. Do it or don't.

But it won't change a thing. It wouod be too bad if you do go through with the act and all, it's a waste of talent.

I'm in a tiny private school full of rich kids all armed with the ADHD cop-out. I have no choice but to linger and suffer or die. The latter would be more pleasurable for those around me; trust me on this.
You don't know what I'm going through, so don't try to convince yourself you do.

You say your life is so terrible, and all. But consider others. Like, I live in a tiny two room apartment. Living room, bedroom, bathroom. (That one doesn't count. Ya can't live in it.) My mom is practically batshit crazy and we can hardly afford food. It's pretty brutal, and you don't see me suicidal. Chin up, kay, lovely?

Hahaha! These comments are some of the funniest shit ever. It's funny when people blindly believe anything that they read on the internet. "If you need to talk, I'm here for you" hahahaha.

(User was banned for this post.)

Jesus has paid for your sins, no matter how great they are:

"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and recieve eternal life."
I Timothy 1:16

As long as you repent you will be forgiven.

From what you said, that your mother stopped you, it shows that she loves you. Committing suicide would hurt your friends and those who love you.

As for your suffering, consider this:

When a dog is getting its shots we know it's to prevent viruses from harming the dog. A dog's mind cannot grasp the concept of a virus therefore all it understands is that the needle is causing it pain.

God has a plan for you. Humans may not be able to understand, or perhaps even grasp the reason for the suffering for the time but God knows what he is doing.

I will pray for you. Please, trust God.

P.S. I was lead here through the Animutation Portal. A concerned patron started a new thread and had this to say:

"I know I'm useally trollish, but christ, this scares me guys. I think we need to show her that we care about her, even if you don't like her or her animations. I think she's a great girl.

This is real guys, I'm not jokeing around, I think she's serious and I want to do something, even if she is(Which I doubt) I still want to do something.

she helped me when I was down and though about killing myself. please please show her some support.

also I would have commented on her page, but I'm blocked."

This is someone else who seems to love and care about you. Please, don't let him down.

I don't know you that well, but you seem like a nice girl, and I enjoy your work. We all go thru a period in life where we feel like sh*t, but for most people, it'll pass. It's really not worth it. you say your mother tried to stop you from killing yourself? That's proof right there that your family loves you. DON"T DO IT!!!
-TemporarilyInfinite(aka Waffles_with_BAcon aka Bananaman from AP)

Very interesting point of view you have. I know what suffering is, and no I'm not some emo kid. I was abused, I did without, I was abandoned by my parents, beaten by my grandparents, and finally I did 18 months in jail for defending myself. I know suffering. Suicide isn't the answer. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you can't find anything worthwhile to live for do what I do. Live for payback. Show all those people who said you wouldn't amount to anything what you can do. Success is the best revenge. Don't flee your darkness. Use your pain, and anger. Let it motivate you to greater things. Even when you feel insecure and self concious show no weakness. Be strong, firm, and in control. Take strength from your pain, but don't be consumed by it. Just take it day by day. And remember to show compassion only to those who genuinely need it. Trust no one. Especielly yourself.

hey lady,

you've heard of mental institutions before right? that's what they're there fore, to help you realize that you're not the scum of the earth and that people just like you have the same problems. yes, there are actually people that have it worse than you. and there are some who have it, much much worse.

Look, you have a computer right? okay. do you actually have parents? okay. how about a place to live? okay again. an education of any sort? is your life constantly in danger? okay. how about were you born addicted to drugs because your mom did cocaine ever since she had you in the womb? alright. um... do you live off of government assistance? yup, thought not. how about do you live in a place where the median income is less than $10 thousand a year? okay! how about a place where you hear approximately 20 gunshots everyday and people live in burnt out condemned homes that they don't own and the entire police force belongs to a masonic lodge and likely are shriners? okay.

how about the people living in african countries that go under bloody coups by renegade guerilla insurrectionists where you can drive down streets lined with the burning bodies of civilians who had just been alive not hours before. places where you have airplanes strafing your apartments because you're american in a foreign country or places where you can't walk down the street without people threatening to kill you.

you have no clue what ghetto is...

...but if you live in a place where you can say the word "lexus" and have it mean anything at all then i'd say you have it good my friend. there are literally billions on this earth that would sell their kidneys to have what you have.

More Results