It is tragedy of course to feel as terribly as you feel. It is also tragedy to give up on life because of some seemingly insurmountable obstacle(s). Humanity as a whole suffers, it's so eloquently referred to as the "human condition" in literature. I have no suggestions for you or words of uplifting confidence or even to go back and give it that ole' college try but sometimes it's nice to know that it's not the island of miserable loneliness that I read above unless truly you give it credence enough to allow it to. Surely this too shall pass as all things do in the end.
WolfBlitz2
like the new primary pic by the way